jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
