I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
