If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Randomize
