Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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