Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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