I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Someone shit on the floor
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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