I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
