I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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