I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
