it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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