In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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