just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
