So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
