Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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