How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
