I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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