Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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