from now on my penis is your penis
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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