oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
