He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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