I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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