so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
