Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
