that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
