I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
