bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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