id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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