Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
