maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
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dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night