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sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She said her name was "party"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Randomize
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