Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.