my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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