She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
