Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
