I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize