ugly people sure do ruin things
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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