I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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