So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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