i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
