I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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