he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
