There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
