Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
