Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
