theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
