Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
