did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
