If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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