And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
