this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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