There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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