1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
