i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
