I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
