I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They took my balls.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
