im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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