Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
