i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
