dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
