Don't EVER smell your tampon
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
