I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
