I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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