Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
