Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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