Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
