If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
