Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
