my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
