Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
