i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
