haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
