she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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