Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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