nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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