I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want nice things and good sex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
