The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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