haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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