he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
