Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
