Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
